Thursday, August 21, 2008

Southern Instructions

I was in Logan's closet looking for a rock for the turtles. He's a boy, and always bringing in this kind of stuff. Well I did not find any, but I did find this book on a shelf in there. Its called "The Southerner's Instruction Book". Ok I did not know that Southerner's needed instructions. Now maybe if you have been transplanted down here, you might want some instruction, then it needs to be called "Instructions on how to be Southern".

So I was thinking, I would jot some of these things down and if you are not from the South, you could learn a little bit about how to be Southern. Even if you are from the South you might learn some things. (cough cough Krissy)

Do not talk fast (ok, now I am from the south and probably one of the fastest talking southerners you will meet.)

Do not drive slow (especially in the fast lane sheesh!)

Always wonder what your daddy would think (because he knows what he is talkin about)

Always clean your plate (its just polite, and their are starving children out there who would love to have it.)

Don't be afraid to hold a roly-poly (for the love of all that is good, its just a little bug)


Proper women wear red lipstick only at night. (Hahahaha! I don't even wear red lipstick. It doesn't match my skin tone)

Learn how to shell beans. (I now how, I just don't get to do it hardly ever.)

The best place to be during a thunderstorm is the front porch swing. (I love thunderstorms! When we have a tornado warning normally, I go look outside to see if I can see it.)

Pull over whenever you meet a funeral procession. (There is nothing more disrespectful than to continue driving when a funeral procession is going through)

**Side note on this one. I had someone in my family, I don't remember who, to tell me that if you counted all the cars in a funeral procession that someone in your family would die. I have never counted the cars to this day.

Drink your peanuts in an RC cola, or a Coke. (Yep we do that around here. Not me personally, but I know people who do.)

Take time to sit on the porch swing and listen to the crickets sing. (If the cricket gets in the house though, catch it and throw it out. If you kill it, its going to rain. I am tellin you it happens every time.)

Sip on honeysuckle (Oh I love doing that!)

The early bird gets to the yard sale before it's even set up. (Oh this is so true! If you have good early birds they will help you set up.)

So that is our Southern lesson for the day! Tune in next time when you might hear me say.... "Don't stomp that cricket you'll make it come a gullywasher!"

Feel free to add some other Southern instructions in the comments.



Dawn said...

My mom likes to put peanuts in her Coke. (She's from AL!) I don't dislike it but never could really see the point.

I'm going to see if I can find some crickets today to kill in my house. We need rain so bad!!!


Life on the farm... said...

We push buggies(cart) in the grocery store, and bring our groceries home in a sack, not a bag! Have you ever heard of a damata.... my husband said cut me up a damata....okay dear here's your damata(tomato) enjoy! I gotta go we gonna run up to momma and m's, see ya!

Insight, Insanity, Imagination said...

In the south, it's ok to talk about someone as long as you follow it with "God love her" or "bless her heart" - then it's not gossip. It's a prayer :)

Amy-littletoesandcheerios said...

Your are so right! I am southern too. People don't think that about people who are from Ohio-but where I'm at we border KY. We still have a drive in movie theater in my home town-smiling with!

Burgh Baby said...

I don't know, I think a few of those are just plain common sense. I mean, only annoying sucktastic people drive slow in the left lane. HATE THAT!

P.S. He loves you... said...

Here's one that other's any where else's don't do...

"Son go to the neighbors and ask to borrow a cup of sugar..." and later send a bag back.

My granddaddy's favorite was this...

"If you gonna cluck all night with the chicks...then you darn sure gonna crow with the rooster come sunrise."

Keep'em coming!

Carrie said...

so funny and so true!

Rhea said...

What a fun book! I love all the Southerner lessons. I've sipped honeysuckle, pulled over for funerals, sat on a porch during thunderstorms, etc.

What I love most though, is that you found this book while searching through your son's closet for a ROCK! hehe

Jenn said...

Cute! I'm not from the south, but a few apply to us northerners too! Like driving fast in the fast lane. And pulling over for a funeral. Also, being a northern country girl, I love listening to the crickets and tree frogs at night!

Suzie said...

IM not a southerner but I do love rolly pollies (with butter)

carrie said...

I love this list! :)

Misty said...

I am sooo Southern and I so love this post! I've always wanted to wear red lipstick, too; but it just never works. I've waisted my money on many a tube. Guess it's in our blood!

jennifer said...

I guess I assumed EVERYONE did the funeral procession thing. Maybe not huh?

I left you an award on my site!!


Well Behaved Krissy said...

why on EARTH would you need to know how to shell beans/or peas OR shuck corn?? ITS CALLED A GROCERY STORE... check it out!

MommyGirl said...

The image if a little southern boy reading his intructions is priceless.